I'm Back on Track..in a Good Way and A Bad Way..

What can I say.. I’m in a relationship but I think I’m in love with someone..I don’t know but I feel so bad thinking of it.. By the way I’m currently working at Basis Bay, as you can see about the last blog that I wrote was my actual assignment to get the job..Here, I’m assign under ‘interns’..,maybe because I wasn’t experience enough to get an actual working title. During my first day of work, I met the actual interns from Holland, 2 guys and a girl. While I’m writing this, I’m already working for 3 weeks. My job is the coolest job, a lots of thing to to do but not so stress.. The best perk of the job is M, one of the Dutch interns. I just feel so happy when I look at him..I even made him cupcakes for his birthday. Yeah, my uplines is making fun of me for being so “gila bayang” . This is so ironic. I finally found the right and perfect guy but I already settle with the less-than-perfect guy..who makes my life worth a while everyday..but seriously, I’m always in a complicated relationship..(aren’t we all??) I love my current J, but just because I hate to walk out of a relationship again, just like that.. maybe in time I’ll know, and just waiting for situation to work out in its on ways..

Green Past, Greener Future

It was 2 a.m, and I was still awake and sorting the certificates in my academic files. I hate last minute work, but I need to prepare for the 10 a.m interview. I was just updating my blog, replying to various interview confirmation, editing and finding ideas of what to write. Still the memories of heartbroken love is still lingering in my mind, "even when, you were never mine."  

While sorting out, I read some of my school certificates, reminiscing the fond memories, especially during all of my 22 camping trips. I love the nature, its where all the magic in the world happens. Being in the lush green woods is just so ethereal, like walking through a mysterious paradise. Then I hardly goes there anymore, ever since I continued my diploma studies, entering the butterfly world, living in the urban jungle.

I close the black file, putting it on the table next to the staircase so that I won't forget. Then I doze of on the yellow sofa, which I turn to every night to sleep .

I was suppose to wake Jack up at 5 a.m, but today, I accidentally woke up half an hour later, grabbing the phone and call him immediately. But there was no answer. Then I got ready to send my dad to work, where I get to breakfast with both of my parents, every single day. Its my most precious time of the day.

My eyes can hardly open, I was still so tired and sleepy. On the way to my dad's work place, I had to keep my eyes peeled on the lookout for the company that I have to go for the interview, which is Basis Bay. I spotted it and my dad showed me the way to get there. We then had breakfast and buy newspapers to read. After sending him to work, my mum made a quick stop at the wet market.

We got home at 8.30 a.m, I then prepare myself for the interview. I was very anxious because I haven't had any time to study anything about Basis Bay. After a quick shower, I wore the outfit that I have prepared, the grey dress that I bought with Jack and the stripe pants to match with it.

After that I heated on the curling iron, and do my hair a bit. I look at the watch and it was already 9.20 a.m. I quickly put on some make up and head downstairs. Me and mum then head to Glenmarie. My mum was talking about something that she always advice me over and over again. We nearly got into an accident, when she tried to avoid a sinking hole on the road. When we got there, I then checked the address on my phone, which I was confused about because the map and the address doesn't match at all!

I panic and ask my mum to do a quick turn to check around. I called Malar, (the one who called me for the interview) but there was no answer. My mum then asked me to ask the guard to confirm it once again. By then I was quite frustrated because I was very afraid to not be on time for the interview. The guard saw me and I asked about the address and he said yes, and mention the name 'Malar' and I said yes.

I handed over my licence (as if I ever used it) and walked straight in. I was in a hurry and enter the building, where a guard welcome me in and I saw an Indian man smiled at me  at the  door and then I walked straight up. A lady the asked me where am I going and I said I have an interview and mention the name 'Malar'.  She then asked me to sit and wait for a while, as she looked busy and was on the phone, going in and out of the toilet.

I sit and prepare myself for the interview, noticing how new and clean the building was. I also noticed that there weren't many staff. The chair or sofa that I sat on was very exquisite. The lady then came up to me, and said that she was supposed to interview and took me upstairs to a meeting room. She was a very beautiful and elegant woman. I found out that her name is Farina, when she scanned her thumb to open the door.

We then started the interview session. I was very calm, but I do stutter because I haven't went to an interview for quite a long time. I also found out that she was a mass comm student from USM. I told her that I was very passionate to be a writer or copywriting, as words can really generates the business world, and the human heart. A Chinese man then walked in, introduces himself and told Farina that she had to come downstairs for a meeting. The funny thing is, I realize that I was actually taller than anyone else.

Farina the gave me a set of papers to fill in about my particulars and also, an I.Q form. I was having a bit trouble to figure out the words puzzle but surprisingly, the mathematic parts were quite easy. It took me  a long time to configure the question. I then wrote down the answer and submit it to the office, there, I also met Malar.

I walked out and left the building. I suggest my mum to to have lunch at Subang Parade. Half way through, Farina called me to come for the second interview. and asked me whether if I could turn back. I hesitate a bit but went there anyway. Farina was already waiting for me at the guard post. She apologize but I told her that I don't mind.

Walking in for the second time, I was really nervous when I saw all the corporates guy upfront. I then remember that Farina told me that I was going to meet up with the C.E.O. Walking in to the entrance on left side of the lobby, I was amazed by the twinkling lights. I actually thought it was a disco lights! I sat down. waiting for my turn and notice the image of green grass which was on the floor and white pebbles that was arrange along the hallway. Which reminds me so much about the garden and nature.

I was then call by Farina 15 minutes later, no sir, I didn't wait that long. I anxiously enter the room and saw the man I saw earlier as I walked in for the first time. As usual, I acted normally but not that professionally. I always tried to be more serious at an interview but fail. The interview went so well, again I told them about my blog, I think I made them think how peculiar my life was like how I fear to drive, why I switch from job to job, and how determine I was to continue my degree, then Dato' asked me do I have friends virtually more or in reality. I told him that I do have Facebook but I haven't been online for 3 months. He then ask, "Why?" I replied, "Hence the name of my blog : butterflystuckonarosesthorn," that made Farina laugh so hard.

I was told to write something about today's experience and submit to them, since I love writing. They also ask me about going green. I found out that the company is specializing in IT for the greener world, hence the LED twinkling lights and the garden like interior design.

We end the interview in a brief and I was really glad that I had the opportunity to be interviewed at Basis Bay. Dato' was very concern about how long my mum waited and ask Farina to accompany me on my way out.This was my one-of-a-kind interview experience. I really support their way in going green, as I'm sure the company are doing it greatly even in a simple way, everybody there are smart and professional. 

 I'm very eager to found out the results for the interview.

Of Love and Heartbreaks.. Part 1

L is for the way you look at me..

O is for the only one I see..

V is very-very extraordinary..

E is even more than anyone that you adore..

 Not that I would have ever imagine, my love life is not like anything that I've dreamed of. Every tale is a new chapter..mostly end with heartbreak. Sometimes, I can't even sleep at night thinking of how much I've been a door mat for all this while. Except for one special guy, whom I've broke his heart badly and left as if nothing happened. A guy from a different race who loved me with all his heart. I guess Karma can hit you pretty good when you least expected.


Then there was this real life royal decendent guy, when I do love him, he pushed me away and treat me like one of his social girlfriend, but when I stopped loving him, because of disrespecting me, he insisted on getting serious.


You see, when I was 17, me and my friends made a pact, of marrying a real life prince from a palace (and even saying it for 40 times to made it come true) because at the time, the crown prince of Brunei married a beautiful 18 years old Eurasian girl. I always had the Cinderella syndrome, dream of been swept of my feet by the perfect guy. 


Never knew that my heart would be crushed by one.


I want to confess that I wasn't always a traditional girl. You see, while studying at college, I chase guys around, instead of the other way around. I felt like I have this power when I nabbed a guy. I uses my looks and being soft-spoken, any guy is an easy target. I went socializing over the top to get attention the wrong way (even risk myself climbing out of the bedroom window to make my great escape almost every night).


That's where my nightmare started.


Going to the club is fine, but getting yourself violated is not. And it wasn't the first time but somehow, I haven't get to the sense of what I did is wrong. I could have bring shame to my family if they found out what I did. My pride and dignity was thrown on the dance floor, bar top filled with alcoholic beverages, dressing up as if you want to sell yourself, getting yourself to grind with any guy and....worst thing you could have ever imagine. Thinking back, I really hate my self of what I did, just for the sake of wanting to find The One.

 I let go of myself and forgive myself but what is left of me after what I did. Am I still good enough to be someone's wife?


My first and second kind of serious relationship, I was duped by someone's husband, thinking that he's still single. I found out the truth but too late at the time because I have jeopardize my relationship with my family. My mum got sick, my dad doesn't trust me, everybody hate me. That guy was married for 8 years and his wife was heavily pregnant. I want to warn every lady in Malaysia to beware of a tall, dark, age 40 something guy, uses the name Ixer, Adam or Azizi. His previous e-mail was titanixer@yahoo.com. His M.O is setting up lady in a social chat website, telling all the big thing about himself like he's mix Polynesian. He will try to give u any drinks to drink to make his tricks work. He will also claim that he is a V.I.P son. Be very careful because I found out that I wasn't he's only victim.


My second relationship was with an Indian hotelier. He was nice and romantic but he couldn't handle stress, so he end up beating me. I left after the first violence situation.


I dated a Eurasian actor, who used me for money and whatever made him happy. (damn it! where's my RM80?!)


I was almost in a relationship with a lovely Chinese man whom I only wanted to be friends with.


A Nigerian dude who I managed to escape from because he was stalking me.
(the government should pose more strict rules letting them came here!)


A caring Arab student who was very impossible to be together.


I was really in love with a guy from my college, he was my sunshine, the only guy that broke my heart so bad that took me years to heal. He gave me so much hope to that relationship that I gave him everything to made it work. He was a Med students. I knew I was a rebound girl which he needed to get his mind on when he had a critical situation with his girlfriend, who was a law student.


I joined the debate team and got humiliated (which was then put up on the university's blog). But the best part, I got more than I bargain for. I got all the information about his girlfriend. Eventually, the girl I was debating with is his girlfriend biggest enemy. List of the 411? I got to know something about a Prada bag, nickname that people gave her, black teeth ghost or "hantu gigi hitam" because of her teeth (how would I know, I never met her), how he's always the one who did her law assignment, the car that he used to take me for a date is actually her car (mind u black Satria Neo), how he always took her everywhere he goes..bla bla..and I never heard of a good part.


He would call me in the middle of the night, whining about his girlfriend. Until know, I'm being blacklist by a telco company because unable to pay my phone bills which worth more than my salary.


He made promises to not to forget me but he did.


He was gone for three months but then showed up, only to use me again.


It was a pure toxic love.


I can hardly breathe, with or without him.


I wrote a song for him though because it never work out and even after what he did to me, he still gave me an inspiration to write something.




"Never Mine"


"I remember when,
You used to be my sunshine,
Brighten up my day,
Always by my side,
Made me smile a lot"

"I remember when,
You used to be my rainbow,
Lend me your shoulder,
When everytime I cry,
Mostly because of you"


*chorus*


"Why can't I get you baby off my mind,
Even when,
I've found somebody to be with,
Why can't get you baby off my mind,
Thinking about all the time we've spent,
Even when,
You were never mine.."


"All this time with you,
I knew I was hoping,
To catch me when I fall, 
To guide me through the dark
To love me inside out"


"You were never mine,
It has always been that way,
My heart was in your hand,
You crush it like a can,           
And you just walk away" 


*chorus*


"Now I'm all alone,
My heart feels so empty,
All I feel is pain,
Drifting in my vein,
Don't you feel the same?.."

To be continued..........

::: Fly Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee ::

Here are the lists of career that I have ventured into :

I was a...................................

1)WAITRESS

Yup, I was a crew member a.k.a waitress at a Dunkin Donut chain. I love it, it was my first real job which I was really committed to. I worked here for 6 months. 

2) Part-time Model

Nah..I wasn't one America's Next Top Model. But it is still my favourite show. I've been modelling ever since I was 6. Then when I was 18, I went for a casting for Seventeen's magazine , I was offered to do a promo shoot for L'oreal 's make up. I went for a reality show Malaysian Dreamgirl but didn't make it (I was actually featured for a famous blogger's blog for being so defensive about it :p)

I was on Nescafe's Kickstart reality show, Berita Harian newspaper, Utusan newspaper, CLEO Magazine's, Remaja magazine's and did a few photoshoots to promote stuff.

I LOOOVVVVVVEEE IT.

FOREX BUSINESS EXECUTIVE

I wasn't here for that long. Only for  2 months. Facebook-ing all the time. I wasn't that confident enough to talk to clients.

Primary School Teacher

I did my TESL internship for 3 months. Not very interested because I prefer teaching kindergarden kids. Cool experience.

Advertising Account Executive

I stayed here for quite a long time, 10 months. I learned a lot, had fun the most, socialize to the top.

Airline Stewardess

I wish! Nah...I only went for the interview. I didn't make it to the final cut. *sigh*

Right now, I'm waiting for the interview letter to work for the government. 

Wish me luck! :D

My Celebrities Look-A-Like

To those who are reading my blog, you must be wondering, who am I? I actually have almost the same features as these sultry and sexy female Asian celebrities (wohoo!) Seriously, if you ever met me, you and most of the people would say that I look like :

 

Manohara Odelia Pinot (Indonesia)

Most people said I resemble her, about 90%. She's mixed Indonesian and French. I'm a mixed of Malay, Javanese and Chinese. It's the brow, eyes and big hair - my hair is black, while her hair is brown.

Nia Ramadhani (Indonesia)

I look a bit like her, about 25%. She just got married recently, its the hair, eyes and sexy lips that we both share :p

Kristine Hermosa (Philippines)

A mixed of Spanish and Philipines. We share the same sweet smile (am I that vain??) and fair skin.

Farahdhiya (Malaysia)

85 % resemblance, minus the body. She's a mixed of English and Malay. People actually ask me for autograph coz' I look so much like her!

Siti Nurhaliza (Malaysia)

Yup, surprisingly true. Maybe about 60%.

Maybe if I post my picture up one day, you decide who I look like the most ya :p

"Surprise!" Hari Raya Visit

 

No fret, I love it when friends come to my places for a visit . But what I don't like it when they don't tell me the exact info's about the visit. Yesterday, a school friend of mine told me that she would come for a visit. So I casually relax and waited at home.

By noon, my family had to go out for lunch. So I told her that she would have to come later because I wouldn't know what time I'm going to get home. Around 3.00 p.m, I got home but I forgot to tell her because then I was busy updating my blog (ironically). When she asked, I told her that she might have to come tomorrow but she insist on coming. So we made a deal at 8.00p.m.

She arrived on 8, called me and said "We are here," I replied shockingly "We?!!" "How many are coming??" I was actually expecting her alone, and not making any big preparation. So I hurriedly open the door and find 4 ladies, clad in Baju Kurung. My dad was having dinner at the time and my brother and sister was watching the tv and not expecting a party. 

I asked them to wait outside for a while and tidy up the dusty table and chair outside the house so that they all could seat. At this time, I was really ashamed because I had to made my guest waited to be served. But of course, its the season of forgiveness and bonding, so I can't screw it by scolding my friends for this so called 'surprise'. Thankfully, I then managed to invited them in to the house when my sister tidy up and prepares the food and drinks in pronto!

Although I was happy that those ladies were actually my old classmates from high school, get to catch up, I can't help but to think how well I could have prepared if I knew what or (who and how many). So people, do tell any helpful info if you would like to come for a visit. This is truly an experience to remember.

Selamat Hari Raya AidilFitri or Eid Mubarak, 2010

Raya Delicacies : yummy yummy!

This are some of the few Raya cookies. We didn't make any this year, just bought them and even receive some as a gift... My favourites? kuih Bangkit, which is made from coconut milk, sugar and flour, baked to perfection, which truly melts in your mouth on the first bite! Then there is kuih Suji which my aunt made which just drew me to ecstacy! I mean, in a good way. Kuih Suji is made from Ghee oil, flour and sugar.

My mum makes the finest Kek Kukus Buah or Steam Fruit Cake! My mum has been making this cake for more then a year. The cake has a very high demand on Raya. Its creamy, ceramelised and full of dried fruit goodness! No, I won't reveal the recipe..you have to order it to taste it! Trust me, my mum is a culinary goddess! The price? RM 15 for 500gm.